Are you there?

Yes, we are here.

I want to talk today about ego gratification.

The desire for approval and attention from others. Is that what you mean?

The ego can be gratified in many ways, I suppose, but yes, let’s start with that.

How would you like to begin?

I’m not sure. It’s a tricky subject. And because it involves the ego, that makes it even trickier.

We understand. So, let us focus on the tendency of most human persons to not only seek out the approval and attention of others, but to also rely on it.

OK.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with approval and attention form others. It feels good to receive the approval of others, does it not?

Yes, of course it does.

And we are all in favor of anything that makes you feel good. Good feelings are at the heart of who you really are and that is why you have incarnated in the first place, to experience your true nature here on the physical plane. You certainly like it when someone listens to you, laughs at your jokes, lauds your achievements, do you not?

Yes, of course. But why is reliance on the approval of others necessarily a problem?

Because reliance of this kind often leads to a chronic dependency on the opinion of others. Receiving approval from a friend or family member or co-worker is not something that needs to be avoided necessarily. That is not what we are saying. Approval and appreciation are things to be cherished, if only because they feel good to you. It is your reliance upon the approval of others that is the problem. When you begin to seek out another’s approval or attention, for whatever reason, your intention shifts. You are no longer partaking in an activity for the love of that activity or for how that activity alone makes you feel, for your own sense of achievement. When you shift your intention to seeking the approval and attention of others, you are putting your own sense of well-being at the mercy of another’s opinion and judgement. You are, in essence, giving away your personal power to someone else.

But isn’t that a part of what it means to be human? Isn’t much of our social interaction based on what others think of us?

Yes, indeed it is. What we are suggesting is that you begin to consider a different approach to approval and attention, one that starts with you. That is what you are here to do after all, is it not?

So you keep telling me.

If you are always seeking approval through the eyes of others, you become dependent upon their point of view, their moods, their agenda, their sense of what is right and what is wrong. When you do this, you completely cede responsibility for your own feelings, good or bad, to someone else, and in the process, you deny your own power.

But isn’t it sometimes important to get another person’s opinion about something?

We not saying that you should shut yourself up in your room and never talk to anyone or never solicit their opinion regarding something that is important to you. Sometimes when your own impulses are veiled and you cannot find your way, the help and guidance of another is essential. As guides ourselves, we know how important it is to achieve clarity when you are unsure or undecided. But ultimately, the best advice you can receive is that which confirms what you are already feeling or sensing within yourself. The problem arises when you acquiesce to another’s choice before considering your own, simply because you want or need their approval, or because you have absolutely no faith whatsoever in your own inner guidance. We can tell you quite honestly, as your personal spirit guides, that there have been many times in your own past when you needed to make an important decision, where we and your inner being were nudging you in one direction, and instead of listening, you chose instead to let someone else guide you against your own feelings and ended up making a choice that did not serve you.

Got it. So, how do we change that dynamic?

By going within and trusting in your own judgement first. By looking to your own guidance system when it comes to appreciation and approval for who you are or what you have done or what you are about to do.

But what if we don’t know how to do that? What if we are not in touch with our own inner guidance system?

Then you must practice getting in touch, first by stopping and taking a moment to listen to what your body is saying, to feel what is in your heart regarding a particular choice or decision. You already know how to do this, you just need to remind yourself that you have this ability. And you can do that by always, ALWAYS, starting with yourself. You are the source of your own power and ultimately, it does not matter what anyone thinks about who you are or what you are doing. In truth, another’s opinion of who you are and what you do can sometimes be clouded by their own internal belief systems regarding what is right and what is wrong with you, with the world or with anything. Generally, when you ask for someone’s opinion, they project their own selves onto the situation and evaluate right and wrong from their own ego perspective. Most of the time they are not even aware that they are doing this. It seems to them that they are judging from a neutral position, but that is rarely the case. That is not to say that there may be individuals in your life whose opinion you trust and whose opinion you rely on, but ultimately, it is you who must make the evaluation.

It seems like that approach to things would make for a very isolating kind of existence.

We understand why it might seem that way to you, but reliance on one’s own inner judgement and resources does not mean that you need to discontinue contact with others. It only means that you put yourself first, that you allow yourself to be in charge. And while it is perfectly reasonable to share ideas with others and to seek their guidance, the choice is ultimately yours.

I think we will stop there for now.

As you wish.

Thank you all.

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