Are you there?

Yes, we are here.

Today I would like to talk about relationships.

In what sense?

Well, I’ve been thinking lately about some of the more challenging relationships I have had over the course of my life, relationships in which I almost felt like I was in bondage. Not physical bondage, more like mental bondage or emotional bondage. Feeling trapped in a situation or a relationship in which I did not feel free, where I felt obligated and bound almost against my will to someone or something that no longer brought me pleasure or joy. The kind of relationship where you feel that no matter what you do, you cannot escape. I know that sounds dramatic, but I think our readers will understand what I mean. I believe that almost every human being on the planet has experienced this type of relationship in their lives at one point or another.

Why don’t you give our readers some examples of what you are talking about.

I suppose I’m talking about any kind of co-dependent relationship. It could be a romantic relationship, an employee-boss relationship, a friendship, even an ongoing, casual encounter. Any relationship that makes you feel trapped and powerless.

This is a very complex issue for human persons, as most do not have a real, grounded sense of their own personal power, and that often leads to relationships that engender an inner sense of lack. As you say, most human persons have experienced a situation or a relationship in which they have felt trapped or powerless and the primary cause for this is fear. It is always fear that keeps you in a situation where you cannot experience joy or happiness. You may want to end the relationship, thinking that if you could, the misery and pain might end, but you are afraid that one of the parties involved might get hurt in the process, so you leave it alone. Or you fear, as in a job-related situation, that making a change might threaten your way of life or lead to even worse hardship, so you stick it out and live on dreams of better days to come. Or perhaps you simply fear change so much, regardless of the type of relationship you are in, that you would rather endure the pain and suffering rather than rock the boat, so you do nothing and accept the lesser of two evils, even if it means continued unhappiness. It is likely that in trying to find a solution to your situation, you reflect upon the good qualities of the relationship in an attempt to convince yourself that there is some value left, and perhaps there is, but more often than not, these reflections are ultimately viewed as futile, so you give up.

What is to be done, then, in situations like this?

As hard as it might be to hear, relationships that no longer serve either party can only be healed through truth and honesty, even though additional pain and suffering may result once the truth is told. One place to start is by focusing less on what you are trying to move away from and more on where you want to go.

Less on what I DON’T want and more on what I DO want.

Exactly. When you focus on the problem, on what you believe is depriving you of your freedom, your vibration begins to gradually take on the frequency of what you are focused on, which is conflict, pain and your own feelings of powerlessness. That is why co-dependent relationships, as you call them, are so difficult to heal. In attempting to resolve contentious issues in a relationship, both parties generally tend to focus only on the problems in the relationship. They believe that by thrashing out the issues, they can resolve the conflicts. However, when communication focuses exclusively on the problems, the problems only increase. Remember the Law of Attraction. The communication in these types of relationship would better serve the parties involved if it were centered on solutions, on the best way forward, on an examination of what each party desires. That is where the focus needs to be.

I see that, of course, but focus like that is often very, very difficult to achieve.

That is why truth and honesty is essential, as frightening as it is to contemplate. As we have said before in relation to medical issues, when the emotional core of an issue is not addressed, the problem will only arise later in another form. This dynamic holds true for personal relationships as well. If the core emotional issues of a personal relationship are not addressed head on, they will only re-appear down the line, sometimes in a more extreme manifestation, until they are finally resolved and released. But that is part of what it means to be on a spiritual journey. Your inner self will always seek to move you towards love and light. If fear-based issues are not resolved, as with physical symptoms, they will only continue to greater and greater degrees until you are finally forced to deal with them. That is the nature of growth and expansion on the physical plane.

So where does that leave us?

It leaves us with the opportunity to be not only honest with others, but also with ourselves. That can only happen by shifting the focus from the problem to the potential solution. The first question to ask is not “Why am I so unhappy in this relationship?” but “What do I want? What do I truly desire? What will make me happy?” These questions need to be asked by everyone concerned. Often times, conflicts arise in relationships simply because the individuals involved want different things, but for one reason or another, they are afraid to make that known. That is what you must do. Use your voice, use your power, and make your truth known.

This is yet another complicated issue that I’m sure we will revisit often.

We are happy to address it at any time.

Thank you all.   

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