WHERE WE TALK ABOUT OUR RESISTANCE TO WAKING UP, PART THREE
Are you there?
Yes, we are here.
Today, I’d like continue our discussion on the nature of resistance and how it can sometimes impede the awakening process. I said at the beginning of our first conversation on this topic that I was feeling more resistant to this work that I have felt in the past. The amount of work that I’ve been doing – my meditations, my reading, my conversations with all of you – none of that has really changed much or increased in the past few months, so I wonder why I’m experiencing more resistance now than I was, say, a year ago.
An increase in feelings of resistance is generally a sign that you have reached a point in your transformational journey of awakening where you are beginning to manifestly shift your conscious focus from identification with the personality self to identification with pure awareness, with pure consciousness. This awareness, this consciousness, this is who you really are. A being of light composed of pure conscious awareness. You are not your personality, the part of yourself that you utilize to interact with the physical world around you. Please do not misunderstand us. Your personality, with all of its contrasting parts, is a glorious creation, one that is essential to the manner in which you maneuver throughout the physical plane. But it is not you. It is a creation. A creation of your own devising. You continually create and re-create it as you move through your life, as you grow and mature. It seems to be you. Everyone responds to you as if it were you. But it is not you. You are the awareness inside. That part of you that is conscious of the personality, but does not identify with it. That is the part of yourself that you are here to remember.
I have gotten to a point now that when I feel that fear, that resistance, I can sometimes sense that it’s not really me who is resisting. I’m able, in isolated moments, to detach myself from the fear. As you’ve said many, many times, it’s the ego that generates the fear. And in my clearer moments, I can sense that, I can sense that my ego is afraid, but that the real me, the true me, is not afraid. I just can’t seem to hold onto those moments of clarity for very long.
The part of you that experiences the contrasting emotions within your physical form, that is your human component, the part of you that was created by you and by Source so that you could partake in the physical journey. The part of you that is AWARE of the contrasting emotions that your human counterpart is experiencing, that is you. That is who you really are. The separation, the detachment that you are beginning to experience is a natural outcome of the work that you have been doing, the work that you came here to do. This growing feeling of being aware of what you are experiencing while you are experiencing it, that is yet another step along the path of remembering yourself more and more deeply.
Is that why I’ve been going through this sort of up-and-down period – feeling good about things, then feeling a little low and a little lost? Because I have to say that because of this up-and-down pattern of emotions, it sometimes feels like I’m not making any progress at all.
Like many human persons, you are inclined to tell yourself from time to time that the work you are doing is getting you nowhere. This is just another form of resistance. In your case, you do your work, you speak with us, and yet you continue to tell yourself that you are making no progress, that there is no growth, that while this work that we do together is enjoyable and makes you feel good, in truth, it’s really for the benefit of others and not for you. We can assure you that this point of view, this perspective, is a manipulation on the part of the ego to resist this work that you are doing. Nothing more. In this regard, however, while it might not seem so, the ego’s power has its limitations. Your own behavior is a testament to this truth. The more you continue to do this work, even in the face of ego resistance that tells you that the work is not effective, that you might as well give up, that there is no point, despite all of this, you are still determined to carry on. This is because the part of you that we have been referring to, what some might call your higher self, the true part of yourself, your multidimensional self, the part of you that is AWARE, that part of you will never stop.
It all feels so delicate sometimes.
In what respect?
The balance between who we believe ourselves to be and who we really are. That if we lose our concentration, can’t hold our focus, that this awareness we’re working towards, even if we do manage to grab a hold of it for a few moments here and there, will always elude our grasp.
And this may very well happen on occasion. With this up-and-down period, this back-and-forth that you are experiencing, your awareness increases, then fear and resistance steps in and you back off, then your intention to follow through rises again, then fear and resistance steps back in, and so on and so forth. You know this to be the truth for this is a pattern of behavior and emotion that you have been experiencing for quite some time now. Rather than seeing this as a sign of progress, however, you see these fluctuations as proof that your work has been in vain, that you are not up to the task, that ultimately, the connection to Source is for others to discover, but not you.
There is a film that I used to watch when I was a kid called The Song of Bernadette. Some of our readers may be familiar with it. The story centers around a real-life person, Bernadette Soubirous of Lourdes, a young woman who sees a vision of a “beautiful lady” in a grotto on the outskirts of her town, a lady believed by many to be the Blessed Virgin Mary. After many such visions, she’s instructed by this beautiful lady to dig in the ground with her hands to allow a spring with healing properties to flow forth on the site, which it does. Many years later, having lived most of her adult life in a nunnery, Bernadette is diagnosed with tuberculosis of the bone, a very painful and life-threatening condition. When urged by her superiors to partake of the healing powers of the miraculous spring at the grotto, she’s heard to say, “The spring is not for me. My reward will come later in heaven. The spring is not for me.” I’m sure that this kind of belief stems from my religious upbringing, and I don’t think I’m alone in feeling this way, but even now, whenever I have trouble manifesting what I desire, this is a thought that still pops into my head. “The spring is not for me.”
The spring is not only for you. The spring IS you. We can understand how, as a young person, you might cling to the idea that sacrifice and rigorous piety will forge a path to a saintly existence, which is what you desired at that point in your development. At the time, you saw Bernadette’s self-denial as a sign of her bravery and fortitude in the face of difficult circumstances. You admired her for her choice, and for this reason, you incorporated this belief into your energy field, where it has lingered ever since. But such an idea is no longer your truth. This is nothing more than an old, entrenched belief that no longer serves you which the ego is now using to resist your efforts to awaken. While this and every other type of resistance that the ego manufactures can be very frustrating at times, we guarantee that no matter how often the ego attempts to block your progress, no matter how resistant it becomes to your growing awareness, there is no stopping your movement forward. There is a saying that you humans have that applies in this instance: “The dogs bark, but the caravan moves on.”
What can we do, then, to curb or at least soften the effects of resistance on the awakening process?
Start by allowing yourself to become more aware of what you are thinking, of what you are telling yourself about who you are and what you are capable of. Allowing awareness is the key because awareness is the opposite of resistance. So often, human persons believe what they believe simply by default. They do not permit themselves to fully and deeply question the thoughts that ramble about in their heads, believing that they have no control over such things and that it is easier to simply put up with the negative thinking. You, however, are far enough along in the work that we have been doing together to understand the importance of being aware of your line of thinking and how it affects your sense of identity, your purpose, your way of behaving in the world and your expectations about what you believe to be possible for yourself. In fact, you know and understand a great deal more than you realize about the way things operate on the physical plane. So, stay as present as you are able and continue to increase your awareness of the patterns of your resistance. Accept the fact that resistance is a part of the human experience and trust that you can handle it no matter how it presents itself. And whatever aspect of the work that you choose to focus on in the moment, do your best to let go of any attachment to the results. The ego loves to thwart the manifestation of whatever it is that you desire. The most common thought-group for human persons is that, for whatever reason, you do not deserve to have that which you desire. Almost all human persons suffer under this false belief. So, release and let go of any attachment you may have about when and how your manifestations will appear.
That all sounds like very good advice.
One final word: throughout our conversations on the topic of resistance, we have made frequent reference to what is often referred to as the personality self. We would have you bear in mind that, regardless of the fears of the ego, what you think of as your personality is an important, valuable and essential part of your life as a human person. Without it, you could not take action, form relationships, or assume a dynamic, purposeful role within the social fabric of the world. So, honor the human side of yourself. It is your portal to all that exists on the physical plane. Cherish it and be grateful and appreciative of the experiences that it affords you. After all, it is your creation.
I believe this brings to an end our conversations on the nature of resistance and how it affects our process of awakening. I have enjoyed these discussions very much.
As have we. Until next time.
Thank you all.
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